How many young ladies worry about their image? With whether they're dating or who they're dating, or if they have friends to hang with? Personally, I think that would be all of them. At least, I've never met one who wasn't concerned at all. Maybe a few who are more concerned with others and have enough confidence in themselves not to be ruled by those fears, but definitely not enough. And those numbers didn't include me.
The other day I watched a group of fellows clustered in a circle around a single young lady who was "holding court" with them. What was notable was that one fellow was standing just behind the other young men wearing a smile and being intent on the conversation he was witnessing but totally left out of.
My heart hurt.
My head made sense of it about a week later.
The young lady in question does not matter. She could be one of a thousand young ladies who obsess over themselves and their quest for more admirers (and usually one particular one.) What matters is that she missed an opportunity to include a young person who needed to be be accepted and made to feel part of the group. In this particular setting, I knew the individuals involved and understood that the young woman does not want to date the young man left out. To the point of rudeness.
She isn't alone. Many young ladies misunderstand attention as translating into dates. I wonder how many of those 12 fellows will actually ask this particular girl on a date. Maybe one if the odds hold true; less if not.
What the young man wanted was much more simple. He wanted to feel included, to be important in in a simple way. And it would have been so easy to have brought him into the circle. The fellows would have willingly opened the circle and a greater camaraderie would have been established. But the opportunity was lost. Because she was too cool for him in her opinion. Because she didn't want to have to deal with him obsessing over her. (Don't worry. I think the young man's parents would have quenched that idea. They are not happy with the thought of their son dating her. In this case, I know the parents.) Interestingly, she left the activity alone instead of with anybody at all. So much for holding court.
For an opposite action, several years ago when we lived elsewhere, I watched young ladies take my sons into their groups and befriend them. They made them feel important. They were loved and watched over by both the fellows and girls. Were my sons inclined to date the girls? No but they gained a great deal of confidence by interacting with each of them. As the mother of the boys, I felt an immediate gratitude to each one of those girls. Each of them holds a special place in my heart because of their care and concern for my sons, and my prayers are not complete without a spirit of thanksgiving for their influence at an important time in their lives.
So . . . what's my point?
It's simple. Young women need to befriend others, male and female, dateable and not so much. And if they get a date request, they are free to (kindly) turn them down. Or accept if they wish. And if they get a marriage offer, they can say thank you, no, if that opportunity actually happens. (Doubtful.) And if several years down the line the fellow seems much more dateable, they haven't kissed that opportunity goodbye when they were rude little imps.
Because . . . that can happen. It did to me. Some fellows just take longer to mature and gain the coolness factor. Then again, what is "cool" in high school frequently becomes a liability for the rest of their lives. The cool guys I knew in high school? I have NO idea where they are and didn't care past graduation; it didn't matter because most weren't so hot in college and beyond. What I DO remember was a young man that I snubbed in college returning the compliment some years later when he had put his act together. I have no idea where he is now, but I would not bet against the very distinct probability that he has done very well for himself and his family both personally and professionally.
Now that is cool!
The other day I watched a group of fellows clustered in a circle around a single young lady who was "holding court" with them. What was notable was that one fellow was standing just behind the other young men wearing a smile and being intent on the conversation he was witnessing but totally left out of.
My heart hurt.
My head made sense of it about a week later.
The young lady in question does not matter. She could be one of a thousand young ladies who obsess over themselves and their quest for more admirers (and usually one particular one.) What matters is that she missed an opportunity to include a young person who needed to be be accepted and made to feel part of the group. In this particular setting, I knew the individuals involved and understood that the young woman does not want to date the young man left out. To the point of rudeness.
She isn't alone. Many young ladies misunderstand attention as translating into dates. I wonder how many of those 12 fellows will actually ask this particular girl on a date. Maybe one if the odds hold true; less if not.
What the young man wanted was much more simple. He wanted to feel included, to be important in in a simple way. And it would have been so easy to have brought him into the circle. The fellows would have willingly opened the circle and a greater camaraderie would have been established. But the opportunity was lost. Because she was too cool for him in her opinion. Because she didn't want to have to deal with him obsessing over her. (Don't worry. I think the young man's parents would have quenched that idea. They are not happy with the thought of their son dating her. In this case, I know the parents.) Interestingly, she left the activity alone instead of with anybody at all. So much for holding court.
For an opposite action, several years ago when we lived elsewhere, I watched young ladies take my sons into their groups and befriend them. They made them feel important. They were loved and watched over by both the fellows and girls. Were my sons inclined to date the girls? No but they gained a great deal of confidence by interacting with each of them. As the mother of the boys, I felt an immediate gratitude to each one of those girls. Each of them holds a special place in my heart because of their care and concern for my sons, and my prayers are not complete without a spirit of thanksgiving for their influence at an important time in their lives.
So . . . what's my point?
It's simple. Young women need to befriend others, male and female, dateable and not so much. And if they get a date request, they are free to (kindly) turn them down. Or accept if they wish. And if they get a marriage offer, they can say thank you, no, if that opportunity actually happens. (Doubtful.) And if several years down the line the fellow seems much more dateable, they haven't kissed that opportunity goodbye when they were rude little imps.
Because . . . that can happen. It did to me. Some fellows just take longer to mature and gain the coolness factor. Then again, what is "cool" in high school frequently becomes a liability for the rest of their lives. The cool guys I knew in high school? I have NO idea where they are and didn't care past graduation; it didn't matter because most weren't so hot in college and beyond. What I DO remember was a young man that I snubbed in college returning the compliment some years later when he had put his act together. I have no idea where he is now, but I would not bet against the very distinct probability that he has done very well for himself and his family both personally and professionally.
Now that is cool!
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