Need vitality?

I've been thinking more about the theme of yesterday's post.  About how we need to reach out.  That's not just about young men and women; that's about all of us.  We all need someone to reach out and sweep us into a group of friends.  When the groups are ever expanding, they are no longer cliques. They exude vitality.

And they're fun.

Moving in the same circle day in and day out is, well, boring.  Who wants to be stale?  I toss bread and cake when they get stale.  Cookies, however, are a different matter altogether.  They are never boring.

I digress but maybe that's the point.  We all need cookies in our lives.  Some chocolate chip mixed with peanut and some oatmeal and white chocolate too.  Not all in the same person, at least not in very many people.  Each person brings their own flavor to a group, and it needs to be changed up often.

Kind of like dating.  Why date one fellow when there is a world of flavors of boys?  After dating the oatmeal, and the chocolate chip, and the peanut butter/oatmeal/chocolate chip type, then you can decide that Nilla Wafers really are your favorite kind because they set off your personality in the best way possible.

But that goes further than just dating.  It spices up book groups, congregations, classes.  How many of you slept through general ed classes and maybe some upper division courses because it was just so . . .  vanilla.

I felt that way today.  I lacked energy and was too hot (lots of people in the meeting room and no fans).  Sat with my daughter and didn't greet anyone, didn't get up to welcome anyone.  A very bland day.  Guess who feels bored tonight?  Three guesses and the first two don't count.

i don't feel energized and vitalized.  I learned, however, that vitality must be given to grow.  Same with energy.  If I had put myself out a little, I would have benefitted.  I did a little bit, and my energy jumped a bit.

Just think of what would have happened if I'd done more of it.

What would happen if more of us did it.

When I want to revitalize my family, I bring them together for dinner, for a game, for scripture study, for anything I can think of.

Same should work for anything else.

Maybe it's time to invite my neighbors over and see if we can create some neighborhood vitality.

What I wish I understood when I was single

How many young ladies worry about their image?  With whether they're dating or who they're dating, or if they have friends to hang with?  Personally, I think that would be all of them.  At least, I've never met one who wasn't concerned at all.  Maybe a few who are more concerned with others and have enough confidence in themselves not to be ruled by those fears, but definitely not enough.  And those numbers didn't include me.

The other day I watched a group of fellows clustered in a circle around a single young lady who was "holding court" with them.  What was notable was that one fellow was standing just behind the other young men wearing a smile and being intent on the conversation he was witnessing but totally left out of.

My heart hurt.

My head made sense of it about a week later.

The young lady in question does not matter.  She could be one of a thousand young ladies who obsess over themselves and their quest for more admirers (and usually one particular one.)  What matters is that she missed an opportunity to include a young person who needed to be be accepted and made to feel part of the group.  In this particular setting, I knew the individuals involved and understood that the young woman does not want to date the young man left out.  To the point of rudeness.

She isn't alone.  Many young ladies misunderstand attention as translating into dates.  I wonder how many of those 12 fellows will actually ask this particular girl on a date.  Maybe one if the odds hold true; less if not.

What the young man wanted was much more simple.  He wanted to feel included, to be important in in a simple way.  And it would have been so easy to have brought him into the circle.  The fellows would have willingly opened the circle and a greater camaraderie would have been established.  But the opportunity was lost.  Because she was too cool for him in her opinion.  Because she didn't want to have to deal with him obsessing over her.  (Don't worry.  I think the young man's parents would have quenched that idea.  They are not happy with the thought of their son dating her.  In this case, I know the parents.) Interestingly, she left the activity alone instead of with anybody at all.  So much for holding court.

For an opposite action, several years ago when we lived elsewhere, I watched young ladies take my sons into their groups and befriend them.  They made them feel important.  They were loved and watched over by both the fellows and girls.  Were my sons inclined to date the girls?  No but they gained a great deal of confidence by interacting with each of them.  As the mother of the boys, I felt an immediate gratitude to each one of those girls.  Each of them holds a special place in my heart because of their care and concern for my sons, and my prayers are not complete without a spirit of thanksgiving for their influence at an important time in their lives.

So . . . what's my point?

It's simple.  Young women need to befriend others, male and female, dateable and not so much.  And if they get a date request, they are free to (kindly) turn them down. Or accept if they wish. And if they get a marriage offer, they can say thank you, no, if that opportunity actually happens.  (Doubtful.)  And if several years down the line the fellow seems much more dateable, they haven't kissed that opportunity goodbye when they were rude little imps.

Because . . . that can happen.  It did to me.  Some fellows just take longer to mature and gain the coolness factor.  Then again, what is "cool" in high school frequently becomes a liability for the rest of their lives.  The cool guys I knew in high school?  I have NO idea where they are and didn't care past graduation; it didn't matter because most weren't so hot in college and beyond.  What I DO remember was a young man that I snubbed in college returning the compliment some years later when he had put his act together.  I have no idea where he is now, but I would not bet against the very distinct probability that he has done very well for himself and his family both personally and professionally.

Now that is cool!